[walker]

A sign on a maternity ward door: “Push. Push. Push. Push”.

[walker]

A bloke bought a bottle of whisky, but on the way home tripped over a rock and fell. Getting up he felt something wet on his shirt. Looked up at the sky and said, “Oh good Lord let it be blood!”

[walker]

A bloke staggered out of the pub and awkwardly got on the bus. He was so drunk that the clergyman next to him could hardly stand the smell of him. With half empty bottle of whisky and woman’s lipstick everywhere he lounged comfortably and began to read his newspaper.
After a while he asked his travelling companion:
Father, what is the cause of back pain?
I’ll tell you what: wanderings to red light area and drinking too much whisky!
Damned, what a tragedy, answered the drunken man!
The clergyman felt guilty for what ha had said. Decided to improve the situation and asked: how long do you suffer from that back pain?
I do not have a back pain. I have just read that the pope does.

[Gość]

[Cembryk]

George Bush has a heart attack and dies.
He goes to hell , where the devil is waiting for him.

I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list
but I have no room for you . You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, and you take their place.
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept resurfacing, over and over and over,gasping for air. Such was his fate in hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so.
I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room.

In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks.
All he did was swing that hammer, time after time, after time, and more
rocks appeared.
No! I've got this problem with my shoulder and I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The devil opened a third door.
In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked spread eagle. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said,Yeah, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said...
"Monica, you're free to go!"

[walker]

Why does the skeleton feel lonely? Because has nobody.

[polskicambridge]

[walker]

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
One ... Two, and a-one two three four.

[walker]

A tour bus driver is driving a group of 20 old ladies. One of them offers him peanuts all the way which he gratefully eats. He is very happy, but after 2 hours he asks her: why don’t you eat peanuts yourself?
“We can’t chew them because we’ve got no teeth, we just love the chocolate around them”

[polskicambridge]

[walker]

What’s got two grey legs and two brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea.

[walker]

Doctor - „I’ve got very bad news – you’ve got cancer and Alzheimer’s”
Patient - „Well, at least I don’t have cancer”

[polskicambridge]

[walker]

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change it, and one to change it back again.