[Elwira]

- Hello, are you there?
- Yes, who are you please?
- I`m Watt.
- What`s your name?
- Watt`s my name.
- Yes, what`s your name?
- My name is John Watt.
- John what?
- Yes, are you Jones?
- No I`m Knott.
- Will you tell me your name then?
- Will Knott.
- Why not?
- My name is Knott.
- Not what?
- Not Watt, Knott.
- What?!...

[Elwira]

Gdy po dwóch piwach w głowach myśli wir
(i Szekspir: two beer or not two beer...),
Polak na nocne w languagu zbiera się rozmowy,
które na trzeźwo nie przyszły by mu do głowy:

* I'm form Beeftown -jestem z Wołomina
* Don't turn my guitar - nie zawracaj mi gitary
* I animal to you - zwierzę ci się
* I tower to you - wierzę ci
* Thanks from the mountain - z góry dziekuję
* I feel train to you - czuje do ciebie pociąg
* Without small garden - bez ogródek
* Coffee on the table - kawa na ławę
* Don't boat yourself - nie łudź się
* Kiosk of movement - kiosk ruchu
* White without - biały bez
* Garden School Band - zspół szkół ogrodniczych
* I see in boat - Widzew Łódź
* Let's go horses on the beton - poszły konie po betonie ...

[Elwira]

Gud morning, zis is jor kaptin spiking. Łi hef som problems łif ałer motor, soł plis zis pipul, hu ken słim plis dżamp intu ze łoter. Zis pipul hu ken not słim, sękju for jor atenszon....

[Elwira]

Hey baby! How would you like to join me in some math?
We'll add you and me, substract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply!
Of course, we'll be entirely discrete ... :650:

[Elwira]

Wrócił syn z pracy w Anglii na swoją wieś.
Zwraca się do niego ojciec:
- Idź i rozrzuć gnój
- What?... - pyta syn.
- Łot krowy i łot konia - odpowiada ojciec.

[Elwira]

Did you ever notice how all of our problems begin with MEN:

MENtal Anxiety
MENtal Breakdown
MENstrual Cramps
MENopause ....

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A senior citizen went in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor entered the examination room he said:
"I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."

The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asked: "What did he say?"

The wife yelled back to him: "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!"